The lids on top of medicine they claim are child safety.  Lil Tony found the bottle of infant Tylenol and opened the lid and began licking the medicine.  Thankfully I caught him and he had only licked a very little bit. 

Then this evening Lil Tony found my prenatal pills on my night stand, got the child safety lid off began playing with my pills.  I also caught him in time so he didn’t eat any or hurt himself.  What the heck though, nothing is safe in our house. 

I think I have cried more this pregnancy than I have in the last 20 yrs.  I don’t know why my emotions and hormones are so whacked this pregnancy.  I watch love movies like “P.S, I love you”, hell I even cry watching Tori and Dean.  I just cry at the littlest things. 

I am even more emotional about my weight.  I just feel bad that I let myself get so overweight.  I am also mad at myself for letting my body get like this.  I have weighed more in the past and still never felt like I have lately.  I am so tired of being tired.  I am so tired of having physical problems that I feel certain are because I am not healthy.  I am tired of worrying about my weight. I feel all my body parts have gone south but not just for the winter but for good. 

I have been thinking a lot lately about last year when I was focusing on losing weight.  I was in control of what I ate.  I was exercising and felt really good about myself.  I can’t wait until I have my baby.  I am about 5 months along so I am a little over half way there. I cry a lot about my weight and how my self confidence is down the drain.

I have been reading some Clinicallix reviews and think that it may be the way to go to jump start my weight loss again.  I am not big on taking pills and haven’t really found one that doesn’t make me feel like crap but these may actually do me some good. 

During this pregnancy I am just going to try and control my gain so I don’t get too out of hand and won’t have that much to lose but I know it will be hard work and I will have to focus on it 100%.

Since moving, my craft room has been dramatically downsized.  It is about 1/3 the size it was before and I have to share my space with Tony’s computer desk.  Not only is it smaller s0 I can’t have as many shelves and storage space but it’s not kid proof.  We don’t have it gated off like my old room was. 

It has been a little difficult to get in the craft mood because it is all so unorganized.  Maybe if I got some audio racks to help keep my handmade scrapbooks and stamp sets in order it may help.  I know the racks are for audio storage but I think they may be the perfect size. 

Once I get my stuff in order maybe I can get into the crafting spirit and focus on being a Stampin’ UP! demonstrator.  It has been months since I have made a card or updated my craft blog.

The last 3 years have been really rough for me.  I totally wanted 3 children back to back and if I could would have one more.  I was going through some old pictures the other day of Tony and I when we first met.  We started having kids 9 months in to our relationship so it was still pretty early on in our relationship but I was happier with the way I looked.  I was in no way “skinny” I need to lose weight but I was happy with myself and very confident.

I could fit in to clothes that were stylish, I didn’t feel fat and bloated everyday.  I gained about 40 pounds with Lil Tony, well gained that weight since I met Tony through the first pregnancy.  Tony is an amazing cook and we ate out a lot.  Then with Isabel I probably gained another 30 without losing any from Lil Tony so now I am up 70 pounds.  WOW!  Can you say fat! 

After I had Isabel last July, I determined to lose weight and not be so unhappy with myself.  I think it was starting to take a toll on my relationship with Tony because I was so unhappy with myself.  I worked REALLY hard to lose the 60 pounds I did and in only 4 months.  I counted calories, worked out everyday and ate really healthy.  Counting calories consumed most of my day, I was always on the computer crunching numbers, logging my food and making sure I ate within the allowed amount for the day.  The rest of my day was consumed with working out.  At first I was working out several hours a day.  Then I realized I was over working myself and I kept hitting a plateau.  I started to workout 6 days a week for an hour a day and I would lose again. 

It was around the holidays 2008 that I “relapsed”  I was in need to food, sweets.  I really never got back on the “workout wagon” 

Around March of 2009 we moved and during that time, we ate a lot of fast food, I was in no way conscious of my food consumption and I started gaining back some of the weight.  Around that same time, I got pregnant.  So far to date I am almost 20 weeks and have gained back 27 pounds, almost half of what I lost.  At this point not even the best diet pills could help me because I am pregnant.  I just feel really bad, I am a little mad at myself.  Most of the weight I gained just before getting pregnant.  I have actually been eating several small meals a day and not really gaining any weight.  I am really hoping to only gain no more than 7-10 more pounds the rest of the pregnancy.  I don’t think gaining anymore will be good for my emotions to handle.  I know I am pregnant and not much I can do about losing the weight but seriously I am just really depressed about it lately.  This time it is really taking a toll on Tony and I’s relationship.  I am so self conscious it’s not funny.  I have been obsessed with the idea of plastic surgery.  I am determined after this baby to lose all the weight plus some.  I am worried that because my abdomen muscles are shot from having 3 c-sections that my belly won’t shrink and I will need some surgery.  I just want to be comfortable with myself.  I want to feel good about myself again.  I don’t think I will ever go through with plastic surgery after looking at before and after pictures, I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to pain, blood and really anything to do with surgery.  I am surprised I made it through 2 soon to be 3 c-sections.  I just know I will have to work that much harder to lose the weight properly. 

There is an all women’s gymin town and I think I will be going there.  They have a couple different programs I can get involved with.  They have a personal trainer, nutritionist and a weekly weigh in.  I think that will help.  I just need to keep my head up and wait until the beginning of 2010 and just get back on track.

I am so freakin’ pissed.  Tony and I went down to the DMV today to register our vehicle and get Virginia driver’s licenses.  We had no problem registering our Ford but their systems were down that would allow us to get a DL.  That wasn’t the frustrating part.

The major pain in my ass is I can’t get a Virginia DL.  Well it all started about 3 years ago when I tried to change my address at a DMV in Florida.  I actually went in to a location and had the women tell me there is something on my IL DL that is making it invalid and in turn not allowing me to do anything in any other state.  My first reaction was a warrant for my arrest but I knew I didn’t do anything wrong.  Well the Florida DMV was kind enough to give me the number to the IL DMV so I could call and see what the problem was.

I called the DMV and found out that back in 2000/2001 there were some toll violations.  I thought no problem, tolls in IL back then only costed $0.40.  Now he said there were like 22 or something, still I thought no problem but then he proceeded to tell me that each came with a $75 penalty for non-payment.  So the total amount due is over $1500.  WTF!  Are you kidding me?????

So I had the DMV send me proof that it was my car going through the toll without paying.  I received the documents in the mail and pictures of the vehicle going through the toll.  YUP, it was my car but NO IT WAS NOT ME!!!  My gosh darn asshole of an ex-boyfriend had done it all.  Immediately I called him on the phone and told him about it and he basically refused to pay it.  WTF!!!!  So now from something that happened 8 yrs ago, I can’t get a license in Virginia until the total amount is paid. 

Ya know the thing that pisses me off the most is that when I was going through these tolls and not paying, it was because he was driving to Chicago to get some drugs.  That was the ultimate reason we broke up.  He was in to heavy drugs, I didn’t find out until we had been dating and living together.  I found out he was also going to a drug clinic EVERYDAY to try and get help and that he had been in and out of rehab.  I wanted to be the “supportive girlfriend” and help him through it but I was afraid.  When he didn’t have drugs for any length of time (and I only mean hours) he would start to get really sick and I never knew what to do.  So he ended up driving to the city, the crappy part is he had money he just didn’t want to use it because I am assuming that was less drugs he would be able to get.  AAAAHHHHHHH I am so annoyed right now!  8 yrs ago and it is still keeping me from obtaining a license in another state.  I was able to originally get a license when I moved to Florida because the DMV systems weren’t upgraded yet to be able to see other states info.  It was just before I tried to change my address, 3 yrs ago, that it had changed over.  My ex pisses me off so bad!

It has been so long since I have been able to see fireworks for the 4th of July that I completely forgot they usually do them on the 3rd.  Our landlord came by yesterday to bring us some mulch and they reminded us that the Winchester community fireworks were on the 3rd not the 4th.  I would have been really bummed if we missed it.

They said that the area gets pretty filled up but I never thought it would have been as bad as it was.  They said they park at the middle school across the street from the park, where the fireworks would be going off.  They said they get there by 8 and just hang out. 

Well we didn’t get there until 8:30pm.  WOW what a mistake.  I have never seen it liked that anywhere I used to see fireworks.  The whole middle school parking lot was filled, the streets were packed and so we had to go in to the park.  Now this isn’t just “a park” with a playground and such,it was HUGE.  Tons of baseball fields, a bike track and sheesh, it was just PACKED.  There were so many cars in there, we were all packed in like our belongings were packed by the cross country movers.  When we saw all of our stuff packed in the moving truck I was amazed.  They have some great skill to pack our stuff in the truck like a jigsaw puzzle.   At the park, cars were just packed in so tight it took forever to get out.  Some cars were blocking other cars because there was no more parking. 

It was a great time though.  Tony and I have been together for almost 4 yrs and we have not been able to spend barely any holidays together.  It was great family time.

The fireworks started and I could feel Lil Tony’s heart just start beating really fast.  He was just in AWE for the first 5 minutes or so.  He sat on my lap for the whole fireworks display.  Just starring at the sky.  I really think he enjoyed it when he realized it was fun and not scary.  As for Isabel, it didn’t even phase her, she was crawling all over the place, back and forth from mom to dad.  It lasted about 20 minutes, it was a great display.

I am so happy we were able to spend that family time together.

When you think of Florida, you think sunny, warm, beautiful, palm trees, beaches but that’s not how it looks or how it really is when you get there.  Unless you live in Miami or somewhere like it.  It is REALLY beautiful there but from living in South Florida and hearing about all the crime….I would never want to live there. 

For many reasons I am glad we no longer live there.  I am happy that we can now think of Florida as a vacation spot.  With Tony working 40 hrs a week, getting vacation time and 2 days off a week we will be more likely to be able to plan a family vacation.  My 2 lil ones birthday is this month. Lil Tony will be 2 and Isabel will be 1.  WOW time flies.  Anyways, I want to take them to Disney.  Maybe next year they will be 2 and 3, we can check out some Orlando vacations and see what kind of great package deals they have. 

I am really excited to take family trips and act more like a family.  With Tony working as much as he used to there was never time for stuff like that. 

I really love the place he works for.  They are building new stores often.  After about 6 months he can apply for a department manager position.  I hate to say it but it is still way less stress than his old job gave him and he would get about $6 more an hour. 

I am happy we moved and get more family time, a vacation will be well deserved.