Oh my another week has come and gone.  Where is the time going?  I will be going home to IL before I know it.  Time is running out to lose the weight I want to before I see my family.  Yeah I know they aren’t gonna care either way but I want to go home and be in shape, happy with a wonderful new family.  I may have 2 out of the 3 at least.  I AM happy and I DO have a wonderful family.  When I say new, I mean that because when I left I didn’t have a SO and I only had one child. 

I am currently sitting on my front porch enjoying the wonderful weather while Nicki mows the lawn and the kids play.  My neighbors are out doing the same thing.  Planting flowers and mowing their lawns.  AH, the beautiful sounds and smells.  I love the smell of freshly mowed lawns.  It is a fabulous Spring/Summer smell.  My Abby-doo is laying on the porch just enjoying spending time with all of us!

But alas, another week has come and gone, my kids are another week older.  Nicki will have a birthday in about 2 weeks (as well as daddy Tony) and Isabel and Tony will also be having a birthday over the summer.  My kids are growing too fast.  I am getting old, I can’t even remember how old I am…..seriously I have to do the math anytime someone asks how old I am.  What’s gonna happen when I’m 50 or 60?  Where will my memory go in 20-30 more years. 

I just feel overwhelmed with emotions.  I feel sad we are not wealthy, I feel sad we don’t know if or when we will be able to afford a home of our own, I feel frustrated Tony has to work an hour and a half from home, I feel sad that is costing us a lot of money in gas, I feel happy I have a wonderful family(4 loving kids), I feel happy I am going to be going home to see my family in 2 months, I feel frustrated yet happy with my current body.  I am losing the weight but I still have a ways to go.  I can see and feel the difference but still 45 pounds from where I want to be.  I feel upset that with all the weight I am losing, my body seems to be getting worse.  My back seems to hurt more, my knees have really kept me from giving my workouts my best.  I feel frustrated that Lil Tony REFUSES to talk and it is causing stress in the house.  I feel frustrated that Nicki is being a typical teen although I am not sure why I expected any different.  I feel frustrated I have little to no time to try and make a living from home.  I know a business takes time to grow (if not willing to financially build the traffic) but I am not able to put as much effort in to it as I would like.  Trying to juggle 4 kids, spending time with them, Tony and do my house work and still find time or the energy to craft build my business.  I think overall I am frustrated we aren’t wealthy and never will be.  At least not while my kids are young.  If we had money I would be able to do a lot better with my business and be able to do more for and with my kids. 

WOW, it seems there is a lot more I am upset and frustrated about then happy.  I guess the good thing is I am happy about my family and that is the most important. 

I didn’t  give a progress update last week and now here we are at weigh-in day again.  I will post an update today or tomorrow with the last 2 weeks.

I am running out of titles for my blog posts.  LOL!  Maybe my brain is just fried and I can’t be creative.  My kids seem to be yelling at me a lot lately.  Screaming for no reason, fighting and just causing me great frustration!

I love my kids and want time away, just a short vacation but I no I will miss them terribly.  I can’t even stand the time away when I am at the gym or the grocery store.  What is my problem?  I need to learn to enjoy time away, a little time away here and there won’t kill me. 

I just feel overwhelmed some days.  Like Easter, it was a FABULOUS day.  Tony had off, we spent 7 hrs outside doing yard work and playing with the kids.  For lunch we BBQ’d some hot dogs, it was great.  Then it was time to come in and cook the ham dinner.  Still things going fairly smooth.  Except for when it was time for everything to be done and served to the table.  All hell breaks loose.  Max is crying, no screaming, Isabel is flopping around in her seat about to fall on the floor, someone (don’t remember who) needs a diaper change (stinky poop) Lil Tony is having a fit as usually.  The food is starting to burn, our drains were clogged so dishes were all over the counter, no where to prepare the plates.  It was just horrible. 

FINALLY sat down to dinner and as usually Lil Tony and Isabel are fussing about SOMETHING.  They never seem to want to eat.  They never eat their veggies.  The only veggies they will eat is a salad.  WEIRD!

Lil Tony, if he eats anything, will eat the meat and Isabel, if she eats, will only eat the side dish…..rice, potatoes or whatever.  Either way they are both being loud and obnoxious at the table.  I am started to scarf my food down so that way I can “tend to their needs” without worrying about my food getting cold.  Dinner is like a freakin marathon.  From start to finish it seems we are done in 10 minutes.  LOL! 

My dinner consists of “Isabel sit down, Tony stop screaming, get out of the fridge, put that down, stop throwing the food, ISABEL sit down, Tony if your not going to eat go away from the table, *bouncing Max on my knee* I-S-A-B-E-L SIT DOWN, Nicki close your mouth when you eat, Tony stop screaming, Tony put the jelly away, Tony you don’t need mustard on your potatoes au gratin, *bouncing Max on my knee*, Nicki your chewing like a COW,  ISABEL (vein popping out of forehead) SIT DOWN!!!!!”  and it ends with “who wants a bath”.  All in a matter of 7 min and 43 seconds.  LOL!  In the meantime I am shoveling food in my mouth trying to make the whole chaos end that much sooner. 

What’s that, your laughing saying “welcome to motherhood”.  Yeah, yeah I know.  I love it and at the the end of the day I usually look back and laugh and look forward to the next day!

I just want them to speed up to age 5, potty trained and talking and in school part time (give me a couple hours to sit at my craft table) and then stay that age forever!

Well off to make lunch and naps, then outside for some time in the sun.  Love this warm weather, supposed to be 89 degrees today.  YIPPEE!!

I am so excited that Isabel is starting to talk.  I know, she is a little behind on that seeing as she will be 2 in July but Tony will be 3 in July and he still refuses to talk. 

Her first official word was “move”.  I know it is not polite to say move, she should say “excuse me” but at this point I will take what I can get.  Around the same time she was saying “hi” too.  Now she says “hello” and some other words and can’t think of right now.  The most exciting thing she did yesterday was put 2 words together.  She said “hello daddy”.  Which is fabulous because all she said before was “dada”  Lil Tony is starting to say more too since he hears his sister do it.  He doesn’t make as much sense when he does it but it’s a start. 

I just hope by the time we go to visit family and friends in IL, in June, that both are talking a little more.

Oh my goodness the weather is going to be so beautiful for the next week or so.  Right now it is 75 degrees and it should get in to the 80′s over the weekend.  I am so totally excited because Tony has off Sunday and Monday this week.  Sunday being Easter, he gets to spend the holiday with us.  So our plan for those 2 days is to be outside, getting our yard in order. 

When we tilled up the yard for the garden, we missed some spots I guess you could say and there are chunks of grass near where some of our veggies are growing.  We need to pull all that out.  We also need to get our “homemade” irrigation system working so we won’t have to worry about watering the garden. 

The other projects I want to get done is my flower beds in the front of the house.  Whoever lived in the house before just planted a bunch of perennials (that’s the one that grows back every year right?) and even after we tilled the front, stuff is growing everywhere.  LOL!  I want to lay down that black crap that keeps weeds and unwanted stuff from growing.  We also have some wood that we want to use to edge off the beds as well as around bushes and trees.  Then our landlord says he can get mulch for free so maybe I will contact him on Monday so he can bring us a truck bed of mulch to complete the front yard. 

Nicki is on Spring break until Tuesday so she will get out there with us and get the lawn mowed.  I am just so excited for warmer weather.  It makes me happy, puts me in a good mood.  So I can’t wait for this weekend. Family time Sunday and Monday!!!