So I spend a majority of my day on the computer between crafting/work, blog hopping to just searching the net.  I have to leave my pop up blocker off because of some of the stuff I do on the internet it just seems easier not to have it on.  Tony hates using my laptop because of it…..that was my plan LOL! (j/K) So anyways, most of the pop ups are ads for hgh.  It is kind of annoying.  I mean I get all sorts of pop ups but that is the most common.  Sometimes I just want to put my pop up blocker back on.  LOL!  But I refrain.

I posted the pic on Facebook of Isabel’s big poofy hair from the last post and my aunt commented that anyone can have straight hair but those with curly hair have the sense of humor and that is so true with Isabel. 

Tony and I pinpointed our children.  Lil Tony does stuff over and over again that he thinks is funny and 9 times out of 10 everyone else thinks it’s funny too.  Isabel does stuff with the hopes that everyone thinks is funny.  She tries to be funny.  At dinner our entertainment centers around her being goofy.  It is great family time.  Probably the only time of the day that we all sit down together and talk, laugh and eat great home cooked food. 

I really can’t wait until Lil Tony and Isabel (and of course Max) get a little older and can just sit still and eat at dinner.  Of course with the added wonderful conversation and laughter.  Now they just fuss and crank and barely eat.  I find myself shoveling the food in my mouth just to be able to get my food  down before the kids are just way too antsy. 

I never really appreciated family dinner time when I was growing up.  To me it just seemed like a requirement in the house to eat at a specific time as opposed to being wonderful family time, ya know what I mean.  Like in the army or something, everything is scheduled and done on time at a specific time.  I really want our kids to appreciate we eat dinner together because it is probably the one time a day (as each of their lives get a bit busier)that we can all “schedule ” to be together.

My kids are all growing up so fast.  I just can’t believe it!  Nicki will be in 8th grade next year.  She will be gone for most of the summer, sad but I think she needs time with her family.  Isabel and Tony have a birthday this summer.  One will be 2 and the other will be 3.  Lil Tony is growing up to be a handsome and smart lil boy, Isabel is starting to really catch on to this talking thing.  LOL ! 

Here are some recent pics, not sure if I have posted any of these before but here ya go:

Look at that hair, I really hope she learns to appreciate it. Some people would kill for curly hair. It is extra wild because Nicki was running her fingers through it.

They are just so cute! I had pictures ordered from Nicki’s Volleyball at the Park District.  I am going to try and scan it and upload it so I can post it.  She is never really around to take pics, you know how teenagers are!  LOL!

I can’t believe it’s Monday, it feels like Sunday.  These holiday weekends throw me off.  So I have to get my mind in gear and realize it’s Monday because I am starting fresh.  Back on track with my weight loss.  Tony is supposed to be going on 4 ten hour days with 3 days off.  Hopefully this will work to my benefit with regards to getting to the gym.  So far for the last month or so I have only made it to the gym 2-3 times a week.  I haven’t been very good about counting my calories.  Now don’t get me wrong I am not eating like crazy I just may not be right on target. 

I need to get back on track, as of yesterday I will be going home to visit my family in 2 weeks.  I was so wanting to be closer to my goal than I am.  My family hasn’t seen me in at least 7 yrs, for some it may be more like 10 and I didn’t want to show up a big fat blob.  I am 38 pounds away from my goal and I have been at a stand still on my overall weight for about a month now.  Something has got to give. 

I have been feeling very hungry these days and craving a lot of chocolate.  I have been giving in to my cravings, I eat some sort of chocolate several times a week.  Before I wouldn’t touch sweets except for once a week.  Maybe that was the problem. 

Maybe I will do a search for the most effective diet pill and get on that for a couple months.  I just feel tired all the time.  I am getting solid nights sleep but I still feel tired and wore out.  I feel hungry all the time.  I am trying to juggle a couple things right now and trying to make time for all of it.  My monthly friend has been really screwing with me too.  I got it twice this month.  WTF!

Well I hope I will be able to get back on track and get serious again.  38 pounds is not all that much but when I have a stand still with my weight for a month at a time, that last 38 pounds could take forever! LOL!

This week’s weigh in was exactly like last week.  Give or take a 1/2 pound.  I am in a stump.  My overall weight isn’t changing, my fat pounds don’t seem to be changing.  What gives?  Am I not eating enough?  Well I am starting a new week and trying to focus.  My first reaction when I weighed in was to give up.  4 weeks at the same weight, no changes, I was upset.  But when I look back at those 4 weeks I didn’t really do anything substantial to have made a difference in my weight.  I am not working out more, not eating differently, nothing.  So I guess the good news is once I hit my goal, as long as I get to the gym a couple times a week and eat moderately I will maintain my weight.  That is awesome.

So anyways my first reaction was to give up, I wanted to not care.  Just eat whatever and however much.  But then I remember I was going home to see my family in a few weeks and I also remembered that I was tired of being fat.

Here is how I analyze my body.  I can for the most part handle all parts of my body right now except for the lil pouch in my stomach, well it’s not so little.  With 3 c-section I have absolutely no muscle down there.  My “pouch” is obnoxious.  My legs are getting smaller, my rib cage area is getting smaller, my arms are getting smaller, just that “pouch” is going to haunt me.  LOL!

I really want to take some diet pill or apetit suppressant but I am not sure I can handle the side effects of diet pills.  Most of them make me feel all jittery.  I need to make a change and I am going to start tomorrow.  Hopefully just a little more exercise and mild eating adjustment and next week will be great!

I am so upset right now!  First my computer took a shit the other day, in the year I have had it never has it fallen on the floor and twice in 2 days it dropped last week.  It wouldn’t charge anymore, there was a piece that broke.  Well Tony took my laptop apart and fixed it…..or so we thought because now it is acting up again…..it won’t charge. 

Then the topper that has made me the most sad is after 7 yrs I have not been home to see my family, FINALLY we were going to make it home this summer.  We were set to leave in 3 weeks.  I have been so happy, even got my brother and my niece to be there the same time so we could spend time together.  Our first dog sitter fell through.  It was Nicki’s friend across the street and since Nicki and her have not really been talking, that is a no go.  Our “friends” whom we have done so much for….well I have asked in the past and it always seemed she had some excuse.  Then a week or so ago in several different instances Tony and I both hinted we were having trouble finding a pet sitter and neither of them offered to help us out.  OMG the things I have done for them.  Just thinking about it is getting my blood boiling.  I feel like I am inconveniencing them.  I watched their dog for several days in my home.  I am not even asking them to take Abby to their house, they live 3 minutes away.  I just want them to stop by twice a day and let her out and make sure she has food/water.  I have watched her kids for almost 2 weeks with several overnights and driving here and there and everywhere for her while she was spending time with her family.  OOOHHHHHH I am so upset.  Maybe I should try her approach and just tell her she is going to do it.  I woke up a 4am several times to watch her kids because her husband had to be at work at 6am.  OMG I just can’t calm down.  I am upset, crying and my head is spinning from being so angry.

If I take her to a PetsHotel, I have to get 3 vaccines and that will cost over $80 and then it would be $210+ for the week stay.  That is far too much for me to spend for that.  I had 2 people call that would be a pet sitter, come by and let Abby out and such but one (who was so willing to help) lives 45 min away and that is too much to drive and the other will actually be out of town the same week we are. 

Well it’s a good thing I didn’t send out any party invitations, letting all my family know we would be coming.  I just feel so depressed and upset.  I have planned this for months and now I may not be able to go.

If there is even anyone out there that reads my blog and cares, here I go talking about weight loss again.  LOL!

This is my blog and it is for me to document and encourage myself to keep pushing forward.  Some days I want to give up, well not literally but I get frustrated.  I just want to eat, not to care….wish I was slender so I never had to count calories or be so damn conscious of my weight and what foods go in my mouth.  I am fat and the fat genes unfortunately run in my family.  I don’t want to be fat anymore.  I want to walk in a store and look and the cute clothes.  I want to be able to fit in some of the smaller clothes I have in my closets.  I am tired of this struggle I have to go through.  I let myself go over the last 13 yrs.  I gained weight and never put the time and effort in to losing it.  I am disappointed in myself. 

I am frustrated that I can’t figure out what I should be doing.  Should I be eating more? Less?  Working out more?  Lifting more weights?  Am I more active than I give myself credit for?  Week after week I hit that scale on Sunday night and HOPE that it gives me good numbers.  Week after week I am fluctuating……then have a great week or too…..then fluctuate for a week or two.  I am 38 pounds away from my goal.  I was truckin’ right along and then a few weeks ago hit a plateau that I just can’t seem to get past. 

Do I get some weight loss products or continue doing it all natural.  Why does this have to be so complex?  Why am I starting to get more and more hungry?  On my low calorie days I just don’t feel I am getting enough, I am craving more sweets, I find myself wanting to snack more……….

What’s a fat girl to do?