A long time friend from high school is getting married today.  We have lost touch over the years but found each other on Facebook a couple months ago.  I am so happy for her.  I can’t wait to see pics of her in her wedding dress and all the guys in their tuxedos.   I am sure they will all look amazing.  I will miss her big day by one week. I hope the weather is beautiful there in IL for this beautiful occasion.  I am sure it will be an emotional day for all that is there!!!

As I just mentioned I have 7 more days until we leave for Illinois.  I have been trying to get things together.  Making sure we all have clothes and such.  I mean I don’t do anything now and so I wear a lot of grungy clothes, once with bleach stains.  LOL!  I swear all my shirts have bleach stains.  It’s annoying.  Anywho,  I went to Kohls the other day and bought a bunch of baby clothes and some flip-flops for Nicki.  I also picked up some swim suits for the kids.  Not sure if we will need them so I may return them.

I also picked up some stuff for me too.  I will spend the next 7 days trying to get the house in order, cleaning and doing laundry so we will be set to leave for a week.  Tony should find out his schedule today so we will know what day we are leaving for sure.

I can’t wait.  We should arrive in IL on Monday and spend Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday just hanging out.  Tony may go fishing with Bill (my mom’s husband) and me and the kids will just do whatever.  Thursday we have a dinner at my Aunt Barb’s house.  All the cousins that still live in IL or nearby will come, hopefully.  Then on Friday we plan on going to Great America.  My lil kids have never been somewhere like that so I am TOTALLY excited!  Then Saturday my mom is having a BBQ and bonfire and my step sister and her husband and some other family members will be coming.  Sunday is Father’s Day and we will be going to my Dad’s house and maybe out to dinner.  Then we will leave sometime on Monday.  Probably late at night and get home on Tuesday.  Hopefully Tony will have off until at least Friday June 25th so he can have R&R when we get home.

7 more days until we leave for Illinois.  I am starting to get nervous.  I haven’t seen my family in almost 7 yrs, for some it has been longer and there are several people (cousins wives) that I haven’t even met.  I had such high hopes of losing more weight before going.  Yet I have not.  I feel very sad and almost to the point that I don’t want to go.

I have been at a stand still on this weight loss and it is frustrating.  Why oh why can’t it be more simple.  I browse on Facebook and I see all sorts of people I went to high school with and they all look great.  Me, I look like a fat blob!!  Seriously, I have gained so much since high school.  Yeah I know I had 4 kids and most of my fellow classmates had none but still.  I certainly didn’t need to let myself go.  I went clothes shopping the other day and felt mixed emotions.  I was happy I could fit in somewhat smaller clothes but when I looked at myself in that full sized mirror I was disgusted.

All of this makes me want to starve myself for the next week.  I know that whole week in Illinois I probably won’t make it to the gym, I won’t be able to count my calories and I will probably gain weight.

AAhhhh, I want to cry!!  Why did I let myself go?  Why did I let myself gain so much weight?  Why does chocolate have to taste so damn good?  Why do I dread working out?  I wanted to so badly make it to the gym to work out this morning before Tony went to work.  I would have had to go at 6am.  I was UP at 6am feeding Max.  I could have gone.  I made excuses that he was too fussy to go, I didn’t want to wake Tony (since he has been sick, he needed his rest).  Are these really good excuses as to why I don’t go?  Should I really be forcing Tony to wake (when he doesn’t feel good or even when he isn’t sick) just so I can work out?

I have only been making it to the gym 2 days a week, that is ridiculous.  Does this mean I don’t want to lose the weight as bad as I say I do?  I realized that I am an emotional eater.  Lately I have felt stressed and in an “I don’t care” mood and so I eat.  When I first started this whole eating healthy gig back in February I wouldn’t put sweets in my mouth at all but one day a week.  Now when the kids eat sweets or chips, I eat some.  I count the calories (well sometimes) but I do think I am going over my calories every day.  I really need to get serious damn it.  It’s summer, I wanted to wear a bathing suit and go to the pool with my kids, but you wouldn’t catch me in a suit these days.  Will it take me 6 more months to lose the 38 pounds I have clutching my body?

I just feel overwhelmed!!!!

This week I had planned on taking a fresh start to eating healthy and working out.  I had been doing a very poor job of keeping track of my calories and making it to the gym.  This week did not happen as planned.  My family all has bad colds,  so I haven’t made it to the gym near as much as I would like.  I have however, made great strides to get to bed by midnight.  The only problem is I still can’t get up at a decent time, maybe it’s because I know I won’t be able to get Tony up so he can take care of the kids.

The other problem I have had this week is I have done something to my knee again.  This time it shifts and pops when I walk up the stairs.  I am really concerned about putting to much pressure on it when I work out.  That is why I haven’t done the elliptical or any of the treadmills this week.   I have been doing more weight training.  Boy oh boy have I been sore.

I also have not done a spectacular job of recording my calories.  I get to lunch and then I kinda estimate dinner.  Not sure how many calories I went over or under.

I really hope I can snap back in to the flow and get my ass in gear and to the gym.  I went shopping yesterday for some clothes and I was a bit traumatized.

So basically right now my online store carries paper crafting supplies.  I have a small variety of vendors and products.  I am hoping to expand but it can get costly if no one if buying anything.  I am listing in the search engines and I do sell stuff on eBay so I try to advertise there too.  It’s just not selling like I would like it to.

I have also thought about selling stamps that I create.  Well I certainly would not be the illustrator as I cannot draw but I have come in contact with an illustrator willing to do the work.  I have also found a company that will make the photopolymer stamps and a decent price.  They would do all the leg work, packaging and all.  I think it would even have a barcode.  Now I don’t have any barcode scanners but I could just track my products using the barcode number.  I would really like to make a successful business out of this.  When my kids start school I would love to craft and do business related stuff right from my home.  I know it takes time to build a business and it may be even more difficult with an online business.  There are so many of them out there, you need to be competitive.  Since I am not out to make a killing I am able to sell it for a little less than most places.

Well off to promote!  Hey if you are a paper crafter check out my blog, Artfuldelight, I have some great giveaways this week.  Plus all the products I am giving away are also available in my store Artfuldelight.

So Tony has been talking a lot lately about wanting to go to school so he can get a better job.  One that makes him use his mind more.  He has a decently stress free, mindless job and he is not liking it much.  One of the things he was looking into is nursing.  I could not be a nurse, I faint at the littlest sight of blood.  I can’t even pronounce 99.9% of the medical terms and equipment.  LOL, try to say respironics oxygen concentrator 10 times fast.  LOL!  I dunno, I really want him to settle down with something he is happy doing but I just worry he is going to take on so much and not have time for anything else.  I will support him no matter what he chooses to do.  One of my cousins is already an OR nurse and 2 of my other cousins are going to school for nursing.

I just want him to be happy, if that mean going to school and getting a different job, than I am all for it!!

Tonight we went to Nicki’s award ceremony at school.  She won Honor Roll and one other award.  I was so proud of her.  She does really well in school.  She is part of the Builders Club.  It is a club where they do volunteer work for the community and their school.  Next year she will be the President of the club.

Here are a couple pictures from tonight:

I would just like to mention my 3 younger children were very bad. Well that is not totally fair, every one but me so far is sick with a cold and I think the kids were just cranky because they didn’t feel good. Tony had to go out of the auditorium twice with them.

Anyways, so proud of her and hope she keeps up the good grades through high school.