I think I have come to the conclusion that the weight I am at is my “goal weight”.  I have not fluctuated on my weight in almost 2 months.  I haven’t gained or lost.  I don’t get to the gym nearly as much as I did in the beginning.  I am also not as strict on my eating as I used to be.  What I can say is that I am maintaining my weight which would be a good thing if I was really at my goal.  What to do?

I have read the clinicalliex reviews and it claims to lose a good deal of weight a month.  I just don’t want to rely on anything, taking pills or major diets are not realistic in my life.  I just wish I could lose 40 more pounds and then I would be happy if I “maintained” my weight.  I wouldn’t be so worried but as it stands now, even though I feel a little bit more comfortable with myself, I still don’t like the way I look and feel and when I see pictures of myself I cringe.

So much is going on right now, I just don’t know what to do!!!!

I need to really put things in priority and figure out what is important to me.  I LOVE crafting but I can’t afford to do it so I thought I could be a wholesaler and sell products online.  I have an eBay store and make ok money but when you figure in all the fees they charge I don’t think I am making as much as I thought.  I get a lot of traffic but again may not be the best choice.  I also have an online store and I get no traffic other than ones I may get to direct from eBay.  But since I have no traffic, I am also losing money on a monthly basis.  I can’t seem to afford to keep up my hobby if I am not a wholesaler.

I feel extremely saddened thinking I will have to give it up.  With the recent break in to our truck and having to pay for repairs, I just can’t keep going.  Plus I have some money to pay to a law firm in Illinois for some toll violations my ex-boyfriend racked up to the sum of almost $1600.  I have to get it paid by Sept because my license expires and I have to renew it, I can’t because my license is considered suspended in IL.  I just need to win the lotto.  Does someone want to donate money to my charity, the I am broke, supporting my family of 6, black cloud over my head, owe a good deal of money in the near future, don’t have it CHARITY!  LOL!  We wanted to buy a house in the next 2 years but when all of our beginning savings is just taken for stupid assholes, my hopes are depleted.

How do I remain positive?

With my business, do I remain active, not buy any new products and just let it ride until I get back on my feet?  I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a store front business as well.  I would have to pay for rent and utilities and general upkeep and I am sure I would have more products just sitting there.  Maybe I could sell some of my business supplies then and just go completely online if that was the case.  I mean I would have tables, chairs, display racks, an epson tm-t88iv printer, and then of course all my craft products.  I love what I do though and so totally wish I didn’t have to do anything.  I am not sure if I should keep the online store and get rid of eBay or vice-versa.  I am upset too because I have a customer that wants certain products and since I haven’t made the order and they require a $250 min order amount, I am not going to be able to get it.  She had completely changed over to my store, I order for her whatever I can.  She is really understanding and doesn’t order much at a time but orders something every couple weeks.  The problem is she likes a lot of products from companies I don’t carry right now so I have to set up new accounts and spend a boat load of money up front for it.

AHHHHHHH!!!!  What to do????????

Well I would like to start by saying Happy 4th of July.  We had a great night last night, in my town they do fireworks on July 3 so we headed to the park and had a picnic dinner while we waited for the fireworks to start.  Lil Tony really liked them this year.  We headed home, bathed the kids, put them to bed then headed to bed and watched Burn Notice.  About 12:30am I finally fell asleep.

So around 1am some punk ass decided he was going to go on a crime spree on our street and break in to 5-6 cars.  He stole our GPS and he stole a bunch of other peoples radios.  Thankfully he was caught while trying to steal a radio out of our neighbors car.  Asshole!  I could handle a $100 loss of a GPS what the kicker is that he broke our window out.  WTF!!!! Seriously??????

He broke our passenger side back seat window.  Our insurance deductible is $500 so I am sure this will be an out of pocket killer.  I have gotten a couple quotes so far and we are looking at about $280 just for the window and installation.  But the jerk also bent a metal/rubber trim part around the window and that may cost a pretty penny to replace too.

I feel saddened by this whole event.  We have moved a bit in the last several years.  We lived in Tampa, Vegas, South Florida back to Tampa and now Winchester (VA).  When we lived in Vegas (only 10 months we were there), 2 months after getting the truck some punk kids ran through the neighborhood with a golf club just busting windows out.  No intentions of stealing just vandalizing.  That cost us about $600 to fix.  Then we moved to South Florida that same year in the fall and in the winter we had our BRAND NEW 4-wheelers stolen from our backyard.  THEN, living here in Winchester for the last year, we are in a little to no crime town, and some illegal immigrant decides he is going to break in our truck and steal a GPS.  Which will cost another $300-$400.

I just feel we can’t catch a break.  The worst part is all these crimes were committed on a holiday.  When the back window was broken out it was Easter, the 4-wheelers were stolen on Christmas morning and then today being 4th of July.

It just seems like when we get a bit ahead in the savings we need to use it to replace something because of someone else evil-ness.  I know not a word!  Just why?  That is what I keep asking myself this morning.  So because the crook is here illegally and has other crimes under his belt, he will probably be deported before we can get any money from him.

I have been crying on and off all morning, I just don’t get why the black cloud.  Why is it hanging over my head.  I say mine because Tony used to have it all, whatever he wanted when he wanted it.  Credit was great, he owned his house, he had money in a savings and was just living great.  Then I came along and NOTHING has gone his way.  He loses his house (to foreclosure, long story but it was out of our control, he was renting it out….I’ll just leave it at that) we can’t figure out how to save money, we have bad credit and can’t get a house…….JUST WHY!!!!  Ok so I am going to stop for now, I am getting angry again!