I am gaining weight and it is getting out of control.  Tony took a picture of me last night and I just about shit myself.  As soon as I started back at school and had to cancel my gym membership things have been going downhill.  So to make some changes I woke up a little before the kids and decided to go for a walk, I took Abby.  She loved it.  I was only able to take about a 20 min walk but it felt great and it put in perspective just how out of shape I really am.  The way I walked required me to walk up and down some hills and by the last hill towards the end of the walk I am pretty sure Abby was dragging me up the hill.  If she wasn’t with me I would have not made it.

I don’t want to get old and be out of shape.  I feel miserable.  I am gaining weight and without working out I will get completely out of control.  The only way it seems I can lose the weight is some SERIOUS discipline.  I am not sure I want to commit to something like that, especially with all the other stuff going on.

Next semester I am taking 6 classes, that’s 18 credits.  YIKES.  On top of Lil Tony in school and we plan on moving next summer.  My hair is going to start to fall out from stress and then I am going to stress on having to find some sort of hair loss treatment.  I mean I am not sure how much more stress I can handle.  LOL!

What bothers me is that I am taking Yoga as a class and I can clearly see I am getting stronger.  There are certain poses that I totally couldn’t do in the beginning of the semester and I am so much better at it now.  It is just around my middle that is taking a toll.  My Yoga Professor did say that women that stress a lot tend to gain weight around the middle so maybe that is my problem.  All I know is at the way I am going I am going to be in a really bad way if I don’t make a change.

Do I stick with just exercise, will that be enough?  Or should I turn to diet supplement type pills.  I just don’t want to rely on anything I don’t plan on doing long term.  It isn’t realistic to take diet pills for the rest of my life.  I need to do some research and figure out what would be the best solution.  I came across one called m5 extreme but I am not sure anything about it.

My kids are getting older and I need to start thinking about myself now too though, exercising will be a start.  I want to try and lose weight, continue to exercise and maintain the weight I decided was acceptable.  That is all.

About my weight.  I am gaining weight and not able to lose or even maintain it.  I focus all my time on school and the kids and not enough time on myself.  I had to cancel the gym last fall when I started school and that was probably the worst mistake because I NEED to exercise.  I know we can’t afford for me to go to the gym or anything so my new plan is to wake in the morning, early hopefully, and go for a walk.  I am going to try and take Abby but Tony think she will just irritate me.  So I will try one or two times and see how it goes.  I think she might motivate me to walk faster than if she wasn’t with me.

I think my realization that something needs to change is when I was at Yoga the other day.  I am taking Yoga in school as one of my required classes and we have been in session now for about 10 weeks.  I have not had any problems doing anything until the other day.  I was miserable, my knee was in so much pain that it made the rest of my body ache.  I just didn’t feel good about myself.

I am also tired of having to chose from the Extended selections when I shop for clothes.  I just really need to take control before it gets too late and I can’t take control.  My family has a history of being overweight, and it is evident with my aunt, uncles and even my dad that if we don’t work out we will be overweight.  I think my dad and one of my aunts are the only ones that actively take care of themselves, another aunt had to have the weight loss surgery.  I do however feel I am healthier than some of the skinnier people I know.  Maybe it was just my knee causing me so much pain the other day that it took a toll on the rest of my body.

I have to take control, and I need to start now!!

I’m really struggling with myself lately.  I am having a real hard time accepting myself and in turn I am taking it out on Tony and sometimes the kids.  I can never seem to feel comfortable with who I am.  I enjoy food TOO MUCH to stop eating.  When I get depressed I find myself in a non-caring mood and just eat.  Then when I snap out of my funk I feel like shit for what I did.  I don’t sit on the couch and gorge myself but I certainly don’t limit myself. I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I eat A LOT during those meals.

I REALLY need to lose weight and it REALLY scares me I don’t have the will power.  At the rate I am going I will be sickly fat.  People want to say that women under stress carry extra fat around the middle in the belly.  That is where I keep gaining.

I just feel sad!!

That’s right it’s me again.  LOL!  Are you tired of my weight loss pills talk?  Well I am a researching ma-ma-jama.  LOL!  The next stuff I found was sensa.  I just don’t understand how many different types of weight loss pills they can have out there.  I mean do they really give different results?  I could be here all night doing these searches.

Has anybody ever really done a search for diet pills?  There are a TON out there.  I would never know where to start.  Another one I came across in my searches is thermogenic fat burners.  I mean really.  Do these diet pills really work?  I would be concerned they had some really horrible side affects or kill me or something.  I might have to just stick to old fashioned exercise.  LOL!

Really, how do I make it better?  My life, my thoughts, my weight, my stress, how do I change for the better?  Do I need help?  Do I make the decision to love myself no matter what I look like?  I just can’t do it, I look at myself in the mirror and I just don’t feel happy with the person I see.  I love my kids and Tony and I feel fortunate to have a wonderful family that loves me but I am having a tough time changing.

I did some research to see what kind of diet pills I could take and I came across some adapexin-p and I wonder if I need to start taking a pill to help me lose weight.  Will it work?  Should I do it?