That’s right it’s me again.  LOL!  Are you tired of my weight loss pills talk?  Well I am a researching ma-ma-jama.  LOL!  The next stuff I found was sensa.  I just don’t understand how many different types of weight loss pills they can have out there.  I mean do they really give different results?  I could be here all night doing these searches.

Has anybody ever really done a search for diet pills?  There are a TON out there.  I would never know where to start.  Another one I came across in my searches is thermogenic fat burners.  I mean really.  Do these diet pills really work?  I would be concerned they had some really horrible side affects or kill me or something.  I might have to just stick to old fashioned exercise.  LOL!

Really, how do I make it better?  My life, my thoughts, my weight, my stress, how do I change for the better?  Do I need help?  Do I make the decision to love myself no matter what I look like?  I just can’t do it, I look at myself in the mirror and I just don’t feel happy with the person I see.  I love my kids and Tony and I feel fortunate to have a wonderful family that loves me but I am having a tough time changing.

I did some research to see what kind of diet pills I could take and I came across some adapexin-p and I wonder if I need to start taking a pill to help me lose weight.  Will it work?  Should I do it?

So I don’t think I eat a lot, I mean I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner….most of the time that’s it.  Tony and I occasionally have snack at night when we watch Bones and when I am at school I get a muffin to eat during Accounting class.  The problem is I am gaining weight and fast.  Since August of last year I have put back on 30 pounds.  I say back on because when I had baby Max in Dec of ’09 I started exercising and losing weight.  I had lost about 60 pounds and when Tony and I started school in August we both stopped going to the gym.  We just didn’t have the time to go.  But since then I have put almost half the weight back on.

Is it stress?  Is it what I am eating?  Is it how much I am eating at each meal?  I stopped keeping track of my calories when I stopped going to the gym.  Maybe that is where I am going wrong, maybe I don’t think I am eating a lot but in reality I AM.

I don’t want to be fat or overweight.  Unfortunately even when I lose weigh and get down to a weight I will be happy I will still be considered overweight.  Heck, Tony is considered overweight and he is by no stretch fat.

Maybe I need a fat burner.   Maybe I need to have my jar wired shut!  Maybe I need to have my stomach stapled!  What I do know is that if I keep down the path I am, I will be WAY overweight in no time.  I have come to realize that when I get stressed I want to eat.  I am not sure if it it makes me want to eat or if it makes me just not care of things and eating healthy is one of those things.  I feel stressed a lot.  I crave sweets A LOT!  I feel like I don’t care about myself A LOT!  I feel I am not good enough for the people around me A LOT!

Finding time to go to school full time, take care of my kids full time, and take care of the household duties full time is A LOT of work and I feel stressed.  I can’t give up though, I have to keep pushing forward.  But I need to take control of my life, start caring about myself and make some changes.

Well when the Fall semester started, Tony and I had to stop going to the gym.  We just didn’t have the time to go.  Since then I have gained like 30 pounds, I feel depressed.  I just LOVE food and hate the typical gym workout.  I dread going to the gym, running on a treadmill or elliptical.  I get bored.  I LOVE class type workouts, Jazzercise, Yoga or the Bootcamp they had at my gym.  The problem is at our gym, they didn’t have them all the time.  They would have it for 3-4 weeks and then wait months before having another.  Yoga and Jazzercise are just not in the budget right now, each would cost abou $50 a month. 

The problem is we are planning on moving back to IL next fall, so I have like 18 months to lose weight.  I might want to see old friends from high school when I get back and I know I am ver heavy compared to the last they saw me. 

Plus if Tony and I ever marry, I might want to wear some bridal lingerie and the way I look now there is no way. 

The other day I asked Tony if my Mother’s Day, Birthday and Christmas gifts for the next 2 years could be memberships to either Yoga or Jazzercise.  Or just be able to pay on a per visit basis and attend one of the classes as often as I could.  He said he would have to think about it, I know it is mostly because of he money but we will see. 

I just want to feel good, I have been battling this problem for almost 14 years.  Since Nicki was born, since I was pregnant with Nicki I have just steadily gained weight.  Right before I moved to Florida about 8 years ago I had hit an acceptable weight that I could feel comfortable.  Then after I met Tony and getting pregnant over and over again, one right after the other I think I really messed up my body. 

Oh whoa is me I guess, I know what I need to do and I just can’t bring myself to do it.  I need to decide fast if I can be happy the way I am and if not I need to snap out of my funk and get serious.  Stop compaining about it and do something to make my depression all go away.

I mentioned a post or two ago about how much I {heart} Yoga.  Seriously love it.   After the first class I felt a bit intimidated by it but also challenged.  I was determined to get my body in all the Yoga poses.  LOL!  I have really been doing well.  At least I think.  Since Yoga is a great deal of strength training I am not sure I will need any supplements for weight loss.  I think once it gets nice out, I will start going for walks.  Get some cardio action in.  I found out my Professor teaches Yoga classes at night twice a week.  I also found out that they will be offering a Yoga 102.  Like an advanced Yoga  guess.  I am totally excited about that.  I really do love Yoga, my first day in class was the first time in at least 4 years that I was able to clear my mind and relax.  Meditate!  It was so freeing and relaxing and I feel so much calmer.  Can I say it again, I {heart} Yoga!!

So one of my classes I am taking this next semester is Yoga.  It will fulfill my PE requirement.  I have mixed feelings about this class.  I am excited to at least be doing some sort of exercise but nervous to be doing it in a classroom with 30 other college students. 

Tony and I stopped going to the gym when last semester started.  We just don’t have the time.   I have put on like 20 pounds since then and it’s a bit depressing.  Tony says he gives up on trying to lose weight and get to a gym.  He was looking for some protein powder or was it creatine powder for a while there.  Not sure why, I mean I know protein is good but would a protein shake have any positive affect without exercise. 

I hope I will enjoy my Yoga class and I hope it will be good for my body.  I think with that weight gain my body is not very happy.  I KNOW I need to lose that weight but for me it just doesn’t seem possible without exercise.  LOL!